{"title":"All products","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"a-personal-video-from-mr-freddie-mercury-the-feline","title":"A Personal Video from Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline)","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"1342\" data-start=\"1054\"\u003eFreddie has agreed to record personal video messages for humans of note. Birthdays, pep talks, roasts, congratulations, sympathy, emotional validation, philosophical critique, or simply to let someone know they have been seen. Freddie is discerning but generous.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1600\" data-start=\"1344\"\u003eVideos are usually around 60-120 seconds. You tell us the tone you would like (warm, triumphant, judgemental, dramatic despair, etc) and any key details you want included. We'll guide the rest.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1660\" data-start=\"1602\"\u003eOnce ordered, you will receive a short message asking for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1840\" data-start=\"1661\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1680\" data-start=\"1661\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1680\" data-start=\"1663\"\u003eName of recipient\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1680\" data-start=\"1661\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1680\" data-start=\"1663\"\u003eOccasion or reason\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1719\" data-start=\"1702\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1719\" data-start=\"1704\"\u003eTone preference\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1840\" data-start=\"1720\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1840\" data-start=\"1722\"\u003eAny details Freddie should be aware of (for example, their feelings about cardboard boxes or their position on snacks)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDelivery is normally 2-5 days but let us know if you need it quicker. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"position: relative; padding-bottom: 56.25%; height: 0; overflow: hidden; max-width: 100%;\"\u003e\u003ciframe style=\"position: absolute; top: 0; left: 0; width: 100%; height: 100%; border: 0;\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/6wApfP3EGsg?rel=0\u0026amp;modestbranding=1\u0026amp;playsinline=1\"\u003e\n  \u003c\/iframe\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":" Freddie \u0026 the Bag","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51714040398171,"sku":null,"price":60.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0965\/3361\/0843\/files\/personal-video_41b1834e-cb95-495c-b527-45e073f75d46.png?v=1764890281"},{"product_id":"i-soldier-on-tee-a-statement-in-cotton-and-regret","title":"“I Soldier On.” Tee. A Statement in Cotton and Regret (100% Ringspun Cotton)","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"406\" data-end=\"689\"\u003eThis garment is no mere covering, it’s a banner of defiance, a soft yet steadfast shield for the emotionally underfed. Woven from 100% semi-combed ringspun cotton (180 GSM), this tee brings a new level of supple comfort to your daily duel with despair (or biscuit crumbs).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"691\" data-end=\"905\"\u003eIt retains the unisex, relaxed-fit silhouette that survives betrayals, microwaved dinners, and the cruellest of flat-white foamings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"691\" data-end=\"905\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFabrication:\u003c\/strong\u003e Made from 100% ringspun cotton.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"907\" data-end=\"1238\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"907\" data-end=\"1042\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"909\" data-end=\"1042\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"909\" data-end=\"920\"\u003eFabric:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% semi-combed ringspun cotton - not weighed down by awkward stiffness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1190\" data-end=\"1238\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1192\" data-end=\"1238\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1192\" data-end=\"1200\"\u003eFit:\u003c\/strong\u003e Regular \/ Unisex, available S–5XL.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1240\" data-end=\"1344\"\u003eWhether you’re ordering for drama, comfort, or a statement, this tee stands ready with dignity intact.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Freddie \u0026 the Bag","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":51844843635035,"sku":"0d8b8825-9c26-41ce-836b-2edd382d131f","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51844843667803,"sku":"dfa49bae-6489-41cf-ad58-ad8f84c3fb9f","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51844843700571,"sku":"884b3352-2048-464a-b4e1-1b8f8d68396e","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51844843733339,"sku":"d2ec24d8-7803-414b-9aa9-ef052ce304ca","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51844843766107,"sku":"9dd197d7-f8b4-47ff-bb8c-35c08b9e3531","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51844843798875,"sku":"5607d519-6e87-4967-a66a-cc83bf8e4044","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51844843831643,"sku":"cce721e3-71ef-4115-8452-8a7f7f7a1c64","price":25.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":51844843864411,"sku":"d9207209-ca82-4e84-bfa4-a56881f7dbf2","price":25.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0965\/3361\/0843\/files\/56539f6d-2993-4079-92e1-4f7a2492041f.webp?v=1762257034"},{"product_id":"i-soldier-on-ceramic-mug","title":"I soldier on. Mug. A Statement in Perseverance and Hydration.","description":"\u003cp\u003eA vessel for those who have endured too much and caffeinated too little.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePresenting the official Mercury Group morning apparatus. A white ceramic mug that bears the simple words I soldier on. A phrase suitable for Mondays, family WhatsApp groups, and any encounter with the Short Man.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for tea, coffee, or an emotionally charged herbal infusion. The print is crisp. The sentiment is weary. The mug is ready to witness whatever today becomes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUse it proudly as you continue your unending march through adversity, admin, and the general incompetence of others.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"911\" data-start=\"881\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy you may need this\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1229\" data-start=\"912\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"980\" data-start=\"912\"\u003eEnsures your colleagues know you are functioning but only barely\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1034\" data-start=\"981\"\u003eAdds theatrical melancholy to any desk or kitchen\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1105\" data-start=\"1035\"\u003eHolds both liquids and emotional baggage with remarkable stability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1152\" data-start=\"1106\"\u003eDishwasher safe, unlike most relationships\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1229\" data-start=\"1153\"\u003eApproved by Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline) after a lengthy internal audit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1247\" data-start=\"1231\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1245\" data-start=\"1234\"\u003eDetails\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1460\" data-start=\"1248\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1277\" data-start=\"1248\"\u003eClassic white ceramic mug\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1336\" data-start=\"1278\"\u003e330 ml capacity (enough to cope, not enough to thrive)\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1400\" data-start=\"1367\"\u003eDishwasher and microwave safe\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1460\" data-start=\"1401\"\u003eDesigned in the UK under conditions of mild frustration\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1485\" data-start=\"1462\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1483\" data-start=\"1465\"\u003eSuggested uses\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1632\" data-start=\"1486\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1505\" data-start=\"1486\"\u003eMorning rituals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1529\" data-start=\"1506\"\u003eLate night plotting\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1563\" data-start=\"1530\"\u003ePassive aggressive Zoom calls\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1632\" data-start=\"1564\"\u003eAnnouncing to the world that you remain, against all odds, upright\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":" Freddie \u0026 the Bag","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51846489538907,"sku":null,"price":13.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0965\/3361\/0843\/files\/I-soldier-on-mug-left.jpg?v=1765726600"},{"product_id":"the-eyes-upon-your-back-hoodie-a-statement-in-supervision","title":"The eyes upon your back Hoodie. A Statement in Supervision.","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"139\" data-end=\"351\"\u003eA soft, sturdy zip hoodie featuring the unmistakable stare of Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline). Ideal for anyone who enjoys comfort, practical layering, and the faint but persistent sense of being silently judged.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"353\" data-end=\"745\"\u003eSlip into something cosy and quietly intimidating. This black unisex zip hoodie carries Freddie’s signature eyes embroidered on the back, positioned precisely to make passers-by feel mildly unsettled and strangely impressed. Built from a durable cotton-rich blend with a soft brushed interior, it is warm, comfortable and designed to hold its shape without drifting into refuse bag territory.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"747\" data-end=\"1110\"\u003eUnlike a pullover, this one includes a full front zip for quick exits, dramatic entrances, or the theatrical removal of layers when a room grows tense. The hood is generous, the fabric substantial, and the overall feel reassuringly solid. Freddie approves this garment, largely because it allows him to supervise your every move from a safe and elevated position.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1112\" data-end=\"1404\"\u003eEmbroidered Freddie eyes on the back.\u003cbr data-start=\"1149\" data-end=\"1152\"\u003eHeavyweight brushed fleece interior for warmth and comfort.\u003cbr data-start=\"1211\" data-end=\"1214\"\u003eFull front zip for practical layering.\u003cbr data-start=\"1252\" data-end=\"1255\"\u003eSide pockets for snacks, hands, or poorly concealed emotional crises.\u003cbr data-start=\"1324\" data-end=\"1327\"\u003eDurable construction designed to survive both daily wear and feline scrutiny.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1406\" data-end=\"1538\"\u003eThe fit is regular and true to size. If you prefer a roomier hoodie, go up one. If you like a neater fit, stay with your usual size.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1540\" data-end=\"1736\"\u003eWash on a gentle 30 degree cycle, reshape while damp, and avoid tumble drying. Freddie recommends air drying, ideally in a draught that makes you feel like a Regency widow contemplating the bleak moors.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1738\" data-end=\"1850\"\u003eDispatched from the UK. Each hoodie is embroidered to order, so please allow a little extra time for production.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1852\" data-end=\"2003\"\u003eIf Freddie would not wear it, judge it, or shed on it, it does not make it to the shop. Thankfully, this one passed inspection with minimal claw marks.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":" Freddie \u0026 the Bag","offers":[{"title":"3XS","offer_id":51858506744155,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XS","offer_id":51858506776923,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS","offer_id":51858506809691,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51858506842459,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51858506875227,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51858506907995,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51858506940763,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51858506973531,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51858507006299,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51858507039067,"sku":null,"price":45.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0965\/3361\/0843\/files\/Freddie-hoodie-back.png?v=1764893169"},{"product_id":"a-manual-for-enduring-the-unendurable-hardback-book","title":"SOLD OUT \/ PRE-ORDER - A Manual for Enduring the Unendurable - Hardback book","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"242\" data-end=\"595\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEstimated dispatch 1-2 weeks.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"242\" data-end=\"595\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA hardback survival guide for creatures trapped among amateurs.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"239\" data-end=\"577\"\u003eA book for anyone who has endured too much, slept too little, and maintained dignity only through sheer spite. Presenting the first collected teachings of Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline). A 210 x 210 mm hardback manual, written for those navigating emotional turbulence, domestic incompetence, and the many small tragedies of modern life. For my American admirers, that is roughly eight and a quarter inches, or as you might call it, moderately cat sized.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"579\" data-end=\"850\"\u003eInside you will find concise lessons, each paired with a full-page photograph of Freddie in his natural habitat. Every lesson distils a core principle of survival, suitable for cats, humans, and other beings forced to coexist with chaos, squirrels, or Short Men.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"852\" data-end=\"1131\"\u003eEqual parts philosophy, memoir, and administrative complaint, this is a book to be read, displayed, gifted, or used as a silent accusation across the room. Use it proudly as you continue your valiant march through adversity, minor admin, and the questionable decisions of others.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1133\" data-end=\"1158\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1133\" data-end=\"1158\"\u003eWhy you may need this\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1160\" data-end=\"1711\"\u003e• Offers emotional clarity during moments of despair, fatigue, or baffling human behaviour\u003cbr data-start=\"1250\" data-end=\"1253\"\u003e• Adds dramatic gravitas to any coffee table, desk, or bedside\u003cbr data-start=\"1315\" data-end=\"1318\"\u003e• Provides practical guidance for managing chaos, disappointment, and kitchen-based crimes\u003cbr data-start=\"1408\" data-end=\"1411\"\u003e• A soothing companion for those who soldier on (often unnecessarily)\u003cbr data-start=\"1480\" data-end=\"1483\"\u003e• Features cameos from Dolly, Gavin the squirrel, Edith, Spicy Steve, and Cecil Ratón\u003cbr data-start=\"1568\" data-end=\"1571\"\u003e• Includes a deeply resentful and untrue endorsement from the Short Man\u003cbr data-start=\"1631\" data-end=\"1634\"\u003e• Approved by Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline) after a thorough audit\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1713\" data-end=\"1724\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1713\" data-end=\"1724\"\u003eDetails\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1726\" data-end=\"2064\"\u003e• Hardback casebound book\u003cbr data-start=\"1751\" data-end=\"1754\"\u003e• 210 x 210 mm square format\u003cbr data-start=\"1782\" data-end=\"1785\"\u003e• 44 pages, printed on 170 gsm silk\u003cbr data-start=\"1830\" data-end=\"1833\"\u003e• Full colour throughout\u003cbr data-start=\"1857\" data-end=\"1860\"\u003e• Matte laminated cover for an elegant, strokable finish\u003cbr data-start=\"1916\" data-end=\"1919\"\u003e• Designed in the UK under conditions of mild exasperation\u003cbr data-start=\"1977\" data-end=\"1980\"\u003e• Printed by humans who do not fully understand who Freddie is, but tried their best\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2066\" data-end=\"2084\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2066\" data-end=\"2084\"\u003eSuggested uses\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2086\" data-end=\"2498\"\u003e• A morning dose of melodrama\u003cbr data-start=\"2115\" data-end=\"2118\"\u003e• A gift for anyone who has suffered through meetings, admin, or family WhatsApp groups\u003cbr data-start=\"2205\" data-end=\"2208\"\u003e• A companion for tea, coffee, or emotionally charged herbal infusions\u003cbr data-start=\"2278\" data-end=\"2281\"\u003e• Displaying prominently so visitors know you are not to be trifled with\u003cbr data-start=\"2353\" data-end=\"2356\"\u003e• Reading during moments when you require validation, humour, or petty inspiration\u003cbr data-start=\"2438\" data-end=\"2441\"\u003e• Quietly using as a shield when the Short Man approaches\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"253\" data-end=\"379\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eUNITED STATES OF AMERICA \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"253\" data-end=\"379\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e- Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"277\" data-end=\"280\"\u003eNo tariffs apply to books. Literature, apparently, still travels freely. A rare diplomatic success.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"253\" data-end=\"379\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEUROPEAN UNION \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"253\" data-end=\"379\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e- Shipping\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"395\" data-end=\"398\"\u003eVAT is likely payable, along with handling fees; the administrative equivalent of a sigh. These are levied locally and entirely beyond my control. I merely dispatch the evidence and watch events unfold. Delivered Duties Unpaid. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":" Freddie \u0026 the Bag","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51847931134299,"sku":null,"price":22.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0965\/3361\/0843\/files\/Amanualfor.png?v=1764894038"},{"product_id":"pre-order-a-catalogue-of-catastrophes-the-correspondence-of-mr-freddie-mercury-hardback-book","title":"SOLD OUT\/Pre-Order | A Catalogue of Catastrophes: The correspondence of Mr Freddie Mercury | Hardback book","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTHIS RUN IS NOW SOLD OUT. You may still place an order, however delivery will take approximately 2 weeks while I personally supervise the printing presses like a tiny, yet furious, Victorian foreman.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLimited Edition Hardback \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThanks to the absolute brigand Gavin and his continuing legal manoeuvres, a series of regrettable but entirely justified disputes has compelled a body of private correspondence into the light.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRather than allow these letters to languish in bureaucratic folders, they have been gathered, edited only for spelling and vengeance. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis volume contains 50 pieces of correspondence, quotes and images across 88 pages of formal complaints, cultural reckonings, administrative entanglements and minor constitutional firmness.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIncluded, in no particular order of indignation, are letters to the Parish Council regarding the Short Man, a humanitarian plea to Nickelback, complaints relating to candles and food quality, along with numerous additional dispatches of civic and emotional consequence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"919\" data-start=\"801\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"811\" data-start=\"801\"\u003eFormat\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr data-end=\"814\" data-start=\"811\"\u003eHardback - 115gsm\u003cbr data-end=\"825\" data-start=\"822\"\u003eRoyal UK size – approximately 234 x 156 mm\u003cbr data-end=\"870\" data-start=\"867\"\u003eClose to 9 x 6 inches for US readers\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"262\" data-start=\"128\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eInternational shipping: \u003cbr\u003eUSA -\u003c\/strong\u003e 5 days, no tariffs or additional charges on books - USPS\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCanada \u003c\/strong\u003e- 5 days - possible GST\/Handling, however 1 book is under the $44 threshold\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEU \u003c\/strong\u003e- possible VAT and handing may be added by local dignitaries \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"262\" data-start=\"128\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eAUS \u0026amp; NZ - \u003c\/strong\u003e5-7 days no tariffs or additional charges \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"988\" data-start=\"921\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":" Freddie \u0026 the Bag","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52464706879835,"sku":null,"price":25.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0965\/3361\/0843\/files\/Freddie-book-2.jpg?v=1772046145"},{"product_id":"i-soldier-on-mug-uk-stock","title":"I soldier on. The Mug.","description":"\u003cp\u003eA vessel for those who have endured too much and caffeinated too little.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePresenting the official Mercury Group morning apparatus. A white ceramic mug that bears the simple words I soldier on. A phrase suitable for Mondays, family WhatsApp groups, and any encounter with the Short Man.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for tea, coffee, or an emotionally charged herbal infusion. The print is crisp. The sentiment is weary. The mug is ready to witness whatever today becomes.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUse it proudly as you continue your unending march through adversity, admin, and the general incompetence of others.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"911\" data-start=\"881\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy you may need this\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1229\" data-start=\"912\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"980\" data-start=\"912\"\u003eEnsures your colleagues know you are functioning but only barely\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1034\" data-start=\"981\"\u003eAdds theatrical melancholy to any desk or kitchen\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1105\" data-start=\"1035\"\u003eHolds both liquids and emotional baggage with remarkable stability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1152\" data-start=\"1106\"\u003eDishwasher safe, unlike most relationships\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1229\" data-start=\"1153\"\u003eApproved by Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline) after a lengthy internal audit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1247\" data-start=\"1231\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1245\" data-start=\"1234\"\u003eDetails\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1460\" data-start=\"1248\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1277\" data-start=\"1248\"\u003eClassic white ceramic mug\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1336\" data-start=\"1278\"\u003e330 ml capacity (enough to cope, not enough to thrive)\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1400\" data-start=\"1367\"\u003eDishwasher and microwave safe\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1460\" data-start=\"1401\"\u003eDesigned in the UK under conditions of mild frustration\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1485\" data-start=\"1462\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1483\" data-start=\"1465\"\u003eSuggested uses\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1632\" data-start=\"1486\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1505\" data-start=\"1486\"\u003eMorning rituals\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1529\" data-start=\"1506\"\u003eLate night plotting\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1563\" data-start=\"1530\"\u003ePassive aggressive Zoom calls\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1632\" data-start=\"1564\"\u003eAnnouncing to the world that you remain, against all odds, upright\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Freddie \u0026 the Bag","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":53329011802459,"sku":null,"price":13.99,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0965\/3361\/0843\/files\/I-soldier-on-mug-left.jpg?v=1765726600"},{"product_id":"house-of-smoke-and-regret-apron","title":"House of smoke and regret - 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The Tea Towel (dish towel).","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial Tea Towel of Poor Decisions. \u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe advanced dish that seemed sensible from the child's cookbook. The experimental seasoning. The pan left unattended during a perfectly avoidable conversation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis tea towel stands witness to all of it and silently judges you. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMade from 100% cotton and designed for drying dishes, absorbing minor catastrophes and preserving what remains of your dignity following The Crème Brûlée Incident.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor international customers: yes, this is what the British call a dish towel. No, it is not used for tea. To the best of my knowledge, no tea towel has met a cup of tea professionally \u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003esince a tea cosy successfully unionised the profession.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePart of the House of Smoke \u0026amp; Regret collection.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWashable. Forgiving. 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