A hardback survival guide for creatures trapped among amateurs.
A book for anyone who has endured too much, slept too little, and maintained dignity only through sheer spite. Presenting the first collected teachings of Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline). A 210 x 210 mm hardback manual, written for those navigating emotional turbulence, domestic incompetence, and the many small tragedies of modern life. For my American admirers, that is roughly eight and a quarter inches, or as you might call it, moderately cat sized.
Inside you will find concise lessons, each paired with a full-page photograph of Freddie in his natural habitat. Every lesson distils a core principle of survival, suitable for cats, humans, and other beings forced to coexist with chaos, squirrels, or Short Men.
Equal parts philosophy, memoir, and administrative complaint, this is a book to be read, displayed, gifted, or used as a silent accusation across the room. Use it proudly as you continue your valiant march through adversity, minor admin, and the questionable decisions of others.
Why you may need this
• Offers emotional clarity during moments of despair, fatigue, or baffling human behaviour
• Adds dramatic gravitas to any coffee table, desk, or bedside
• Provides practical guidance for managing chaos, disappointment, and kitchen-based crimes
• A soothing companion for those who soldier on (often unnecessarily)
• Features cameos from Dolly, Gavin the squirrel, Edith, Spicy Steve, and Cecil Ratón
• Includes a deeply resentful and untrue endorsement from the Short Man
• Approved by Mr Freddie Mercury (the feline) after a thorough audit
Details
• Hardback casebound book
• 210 x 210 mm square format
• 44 pages, printed on 170 gsm silk
• Full colour throughout
• Matte laminated cover for an elegant, strokable finish
• Designed in the UK under conditions of mild exasperation
• Printed by humans who do not fully understand who Freddie is, but tried their best
Suggested uses
• A morning dose of melodrama
• A gift for anyone who has suffered through meetings, admin, or family WhatsApp groups
• A companion for tea, coffee, or emotionally charged herbal infusions
• Displaying prominently so visitors know you are not to be trifled with
• Reading during moments when you require validation, humour, or petty inspiration
• Quietly using as a shield when the Short Man approaches
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - Shipping
No tariffs apply to books. Literature, apparently, still travels freely. A rare diplomatic success.
EUROPEAN UNION - Shipping
VAT is likely payable, along with handling fees; the administrative equivalent of a sigh. These are levied locally and entirely beyond my control. I merely dispatch the evidence and watch events unfold. Delivered Duties Unpaid.
